Experiments in Naughty Limericks
I’ve decided to try my hand at making up some naughty limericks. Limericks appeal to me because they’re nonsensical, humorous verse of five lines and I’ve always had problems coming up with rhyming verse any longer than that.
Here’s a few limericks that I jotted down last night:
There was an old troll who said ‘Hush!
I perceive a young cock in the bush!’
When they said ‘Is it small?’
He replied, ‘Not at all!
It is five times the size of the bush.’
(That first one is actually based on a very old limerick of unknown origin.)
There was a young man on the dock.
He desperately need a new sock.
Said he with a grin,
‘If you’ll give me a gin,
I’ll suck the knob right off your cock!’
There once was porn star from Frisco,
who got his start in a disco.
He love to bump and grind,
but when it came to his behind,
he preferred to use lots of Crisco.
There once was a Twink who liked to fuck.
His lover was a Bear who preferred him to suck.
T’would still be in a quandry,
if not for the stud in the laundry,
who took them both on for a mere buck.
A Quote on Anonymous Sex
“Gay men are guardians of the masculine impulse. To have anonymous sex in a dark alleyway is to pay homage to the dream of male freedom. The unknown stranger is a wandering pagan god. The altar, as in prehistory, is anywhere you kneel.” — Camille Paglia in Sex, Art, and American Culture (1992). “Homosexuality at the Fin de Siècle”, Esquire (New York, October 1991).
Sigmund on Repression
Sigmund Freud: “Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.” (attributed)
Quentin Crisp on Sex
In The Naked Civil Servant, Quentin Crisp observed:
“All liaisons between homosexuals are conducted as though they were between a chorus girl and a bishop. In some cases both parties think they are bishops.”
Churchill on Sex…
You wouldn’t know it but Winston Churchill had a few things to say about sex. In fact I think I even heard this one at The Cabinet War Rooms & Churchill Museum…
When someone told him that his trouser fly buttons were undone he said:
“Dead birds don’t fall out of their nests.” (attrib.)
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