Experiments in Naughty Limericks
I’ve decided to try my hand at making up some naughty limericks. Limericks appeal to me because they’re nonsensical, humorous verse of five lines and I’ve always had problems coming up with rhyming verse any longer than that.
Here’s a few limericks that I jotted down last night:
There was an old troll who said ‘Hush!
I perceive a young cock in the bush!’
When they said ‘Is it small?’
He replied, ‘Not at all!
It is five times the size of the bush.’
(That first one is actually based on a very old limerick of unknown origin.)
There was a young man on the dock.
He desperately need a new sock.
Said he with a grin,
‘If you’ll give me a gin,
I’ll suck the knob right off your cock!’
There once was porn star from Frisco,
who got his start in a disco.
He love to bump and grind,
but when it came to his behind,
he preferred to use lots of Crisco.
There once was a Twink who liked to fuck.
His lover was a Bear who preferred him to suck.
T’would still be in a quandry,
if not for the stud in the laundry,
who took them both on for a mere buck.
A Short Tall Gay Tale
One morning I woke up with a big thick and veiny cock up my ass. I could tell that it was a thick and veiny cock because my asshole felt like there was a giant redwood tree lodged in my ass. I’m talking about a redwood worthy of Paul Bunyan; that’s how big it was.
As for the veiny part, I could tell that it was despite the fact that said veiny redwood felt like it was encased in a cold and sticky condom. It felt very rigid, almost like someone had stuck a condom down my hole and filled it up with plaster and then had let it set.
That’s odd I thought. In fact, although I felt awake and somewhat aware of my surroundings I was aware that there wasn’t any movement going on back there.
Hello, did I forget to take a big veiny dildo out of my butt last night I wondered. Last night. Ah yes, BJ’s and Orgasms…
That’s the problem with BJ’s and Orgasms; it doesn’t take too many of those shooters to fuck you right up.
And speaking of which, what the hell or who the hell is up my ass so early in the morning?
I wiped the morning slugs from my eyes, put my glasses on and looked behind me. Still with that giant redwood stuck up my ass mind you and I see this guy that could have passed for Paul Bunyan’s very much shorter brother, spooned up tight to me.
Mini Paul Bunyan’s eyes were shut but drool was dripping from his mouth; almost faucet like. Well that’s a relief, at least he hadn’t died in the middle of the act, I thought.
He had the Paul Bunyan beard, the Paul Bunyan hat, the Paul Bunyan chest and apparently the Paul Bunyan cock as well. But he was about five foot two and that’s stretching it.
Damn! Where did I pick up this mini Paul Bunyan dude and why is his redwood still lodged up my butt?
This was weird, this was embarrassing. And then I had to fart.
Yes, and then I had to fart. Not one of those tiny sneaky farts either. No, I felt one of those ginormous, sheet lifting, toxic storm clouds forming and ready to unleash it’s fury into the atmosphere and possibly take another layer of the ozone away types of farts.
Yeah, you know the kind – one of those.
I know this is going to sound cruel and heartless, but I did try to wake him up – sorta.
Well, now that it comes right down to it; I didn’t try to wake him up; OK, satisfied.
I wasn’t satisfied. There was this mini Paul Bunyan dude (couldn’t have been more than 4′9″) who had me in this great big bear hug, drooling, clear cutting Z’s and his giant redwood stuck up my bum!
I mean what’s a guy to do? Well, I’ll tell you what I did…I let loose the crack of doom!
Have you ever seen a large rocket launch? Well, that’s what it was kind of like. There was this big rolling thunder building up and then suddenly the giant redwood cock launched out of my ass and across the room, (must have been a good 10 feet) carrying the mini Paul Bunyan dude with it.
Did you ever watch the Tasmanian Devil on the Bugs Bunny show? Yeah, well that’s how fast the mini Paul Bunyan dude (who was at least 4′5″) got dressed and out the door.
He did leave me a gift though – his big redwood. It turns out that it was one of those ginormous meaty dildos.
This leads me to wonder…
Who the fuck had their gigantic, thick and veiny dildo up my ass that morning and was the height of Tom Thumb?!
Final chapter of I was abducted by horny aliens!
This chapter is the 4th and final part of “I was abducted by horny aliens”. In case you missed it here’s: Part 1, Part 2 and part 3 of the story.
I Was Abducted by Horny Aliens - Part 4
After laying me on the sleeping platform, the gentle alien giant poured sweet smelling oil over my body and proceeded to massage it firmly into every muscle and crevice of my body. His fingers probed and plied my muscles until all the knots unraveled and my entire body relaxed. Every now and then he would tease the sensitive parts of my body with the tip of his large tongue; no part of me was left untouched or un-tasted. Every inch of me felt alive and charged yet ever so relaxed. It was heaven and I sighed in relief.
He then straddled over top of me so that I was staring at his giant erect cock; his face peered at mine for a moment, he nodded and then his cock plunged down to my open, hungry mouth.
As the giant fucked my mouth he teased my cock with his tongue and lips whilst finger fucking my well oiled ass.
It wasn’t long before my now throbbing red cock could contain itself. My entire body convulsed as hot cum erupted into my alien seducer’s waiting mouth. He continued to suck my own cock with vigor, every last drop of cum.
His own cock started flowing with great quantities of pre-cum; it tasted like nectar. He withdrew his cock from my mouth and re-positioned both of us so that he could fuck my well prepped ass.
One quick thrust and the alien god’s massive cock was deep inside my ass; never had my ass been penetrated so fast and easily. There’s no doubt in my mind that I was being fucked by an expert in the arts of male sexual pleasure.
Every now and then he would switch to a new position. I marveled at his stamina as well; this was no quickie. He varied his strokes with skill; sometimes they were slow and deep, other times they were rapid and short. Still other times, he would withdraw his cock entirely from my ass and then plunge quickly back in.
I’m really not sure just how long this all went on, but after a considerable amount of time being fucked by this relentless alien stud, I became aware that we were no longer alone.
I looked up and saw first another rather large cock being stroked over my head and then the grinning face of what turned out to be the absent crewmate. He was similar in appearance and build to the first alien and quite possibly his twin. Apparently he had decided not to wait for a video replay and so he had joined us.
The twin god like creatures proceeded to tag team fuck me at that point; their plunges into my well fucked ass became more rapid and hard.
And then, a bank of red lights started flashing and a klaxon sounded an alert!
Surprised alarm leapt to their golden lusty faces. “Your wife’s going to catch us in the act again!” the crewmate exclaimed to the first alien. “Ever since that time in Sumer…We’d better finish up and get the hell out of here!” he said.
The two aliens proceeded to jerk off hastily over me; cum loads landed in huge pools on my chest and belly and even on my face.
No sooner had I wiped their cum off my face, than I was being hustled out of the spacecraft still naked.
Everything got pretty confusing and I have no idea what was said on the way out other than there was no time left and that I had to hurry and get out of the area as fast as I could lest I was caught by a jealous and vengeful goddess.
And on that note, I was practically pushed out of the spacecraft doors.
I started to run and the spacecraft began to lift off from the forest clearing, I turned around in time to see it blast off up into the night sky in a streak of green light. Another streak of green light flashed into view – I ran for my camp which fortunately wasn’t too far away. I threw on my pack, grabbed my bike and crashed through the bush until I reached the road. I jumped onto my bike and rode for my life, not daring to look back.
Still naked, I pedaled hard all night until dawn broke, not daring to stop for anything. Eventually after day break I pulled over and quickly put on a change of clothes before pressing on. I don’t think that I really stopped until late in the afternoon when I came across a motel and collapsed there in total exhaustion for a couple of days.
And that’s basically the story of my close encounter with horny aliens. I never did encounter them or any other aliens again and I never rode through Manning Park again either.
I Was Abducted by Horny Aliens 3
This story is continued from: Part 1: I Was Abducted by Horny Aliens! & Part 2.
I Was Abducted by Horny Aliens - Part 3
A door slid open on the far side of the room. Filling almost the entire height of the door frame stood a very tall figure with a large kind of rounded triangular head. It had large dark unblinking eyes and its entire body was smooth and grayish in color.
I’d seen a few drawings and movies of aliens to realize at this point that my worst fears were confirmed – I was on board an alien space craft and here before me was one of the aliens wanting to perform god knows what experiments on me. I must say though that this alien was much larger than I had expected an alien to be.
I couldn’t see a mouth but the alien seemed to be smiling as he told me not to be afraid. He and his companion weren’t going to hurt me, they were just curious about me. They had seen my pleasuring myself in the woods and had hoped I would repeat my performance for them.
I was flabbergasted really! Here were these aliens cruising around, watching me jerk off and they decide for a bit of fun to capture the human and see if he’d repeat his little sex show for them…I wasn’t some private peep show I angrily thought. This event took place a few years before web cams started becoming available, so a web cam show hadn’t entered my mind.
I should also note that our entire conversation took place in our minds; telepathy I guess would be the proper way to describe what was going on.
“Who were these freaks?” I wondered. “For now, let’s just say that we’re lonely travelers of the galaxies who happen to be horny and are looking for a bit of fun. We botched our intro I will admit, I’m sorry for that but I do think that you will have some fun with us and it won’t be a terrible experience at all”, the alien replied.
This talk about an unseen companion got me wondering where he was. Apparently the companion was a crew mate who was busy attending to some important matter of some technical nature. But he was recording everything so that he could watch at his leisure later on.
The alien suggested that I might like to clean up a bit and refresh myself. I agreed as I didn’t particularly feel very clean at that point. Washing off two days of road grime plus the recent sexual exertions would be a welcome treat.
I was released from my invisible bonds and helped off the table. The alien then led me over to the side of the room and a clear cylinder descended from the ceiling. Upon entering the cylinder, warm jets of water showered my body. Some of the jet streams must have had a soap of some sort in it because my body became quite lathered in this fragrant liquid.
While I stood in the shower I kept my eyes on the alien. He watched me with what seemed to be approval. After watching me for a little bit he decided that he too could actually do with a shower and that he would join me.
It was at this point that I discovered that I hadn’t really seen the alien in the flesh as it were because as it turns out I had only seen him in some sort of space suit. The large funny head with large dark eyes was really a space helmet and the grayish body was actually the space suit.
If you’re into aliens and UFO’s then you probably already knew that, but I didn’t. So, it was quite a surprise to see the alien pull off what I thought was his head to reveal a rather “normal”, (for a giant that is) looking head. And when he took off the rest of his suit it was rather like gazing at a well proportioned, naked giant of a man. I should note too that in addition to being a giant, his skin was much paler than a human’s skin, his eyes were deep pools of blueness like you’ve never seen on earth and his perfect body positively glowed golden like.
Oh yes – and his cock – it was large and erect. That doesn’t seem to give it justice but I can tell you that it was of such length and width that I had serious doubts as to how I was going to fit his cock into my ass. They just don’t get that large here on earth.
The god like creature grinned broadly and had a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he told me not to worry that it would fit inside me like a glove. He then stepped into the shower to join me.
I’d love to be able to say something like – and then we had hot steam sex in the shower. I’m afraid though that wasn’t the case as I’m absolutely lethal in the shower. I’ve never successfully had sex in the shower my entire life. I always end up damaging myself or the guy I’m with.
When the alien god creature stepped into the shower and knelt to embrace my quivering body, I looked up into his deep blue eyes, soap squirted into my eyes, I slipped and fell on my ass.
The alien god smiled ruefully, picked me up, wiped the soap out of my eyes and carried me to another chamber and lay me down on a sleeping platform.
Good lord! I hadn’t realized that this story was going to take so much ‘paper’ to tell. Stay tuned for the 4th and final chapter of “I Was Abducted by Horny Aliens”.
Part 2 of: I Was Abducted by Horny Aliens!
This story is continued from: Part 1: I Was Abducted by Horny Aliens!
After crawling into my sleeping bag, I shut my eyes and sleep seemed to come immediately; half consciously I reckoned that was a good thing.
The next thing I remember was sleepily and happily feeling aroused. It was like I was in the middle of a super wet dream or perhaps like when you wake to find your boyfriend’s cock gently trying to find its way into your ass, while his hand strokes your morning hard on.
Nice; I smiled and spread my legs wide, thrust my cock forward and opened my eyes.
I blinked more than once I should think…Nothing made any sense. I was no longer in the woods, that much I was sure of. My surroundings – Bright and white – I couldn’t really make out very many details but I was in some sort of bright white room.
I seemed to be lying on my back on some sort of platform or table with my legs spread wide and something mechanical was thrusting piston like in and out of my ass. My cock which no longer felt hard was attached to some milking machine like contraption that was sucking and pulling my now flaccid cock.
I also seemed to be restrained somehow. I couldn’t actually see any restraints but when I moved I seemed to be held by some elastic restraint.
Although I appeared to be alone I had the feeling of being intently watched.
A mild electrical like impulse coursed through my body at that point; it was if someone was trying to stimulate some sort of response out of me; probably my dick, now that I think about it.
All I could do though was silently yelp. That was the other odd part of this entire experience…Although I tried to talk, yell or moan as the case may be during my stay in this room, I could never hear my voice audibly nor that of my captors.
My captors must have realized that there was little point in keeping me hooked up to this bizarre contraption as I was no longer aroused and wasn’t likely to become aroused again any time soon from the metal machine.
The apparatus that was attached to my dick release and retracted into the ceiling and the anal probe pulled out of me one last time and disappeared into the end of the table that I lay on.
My legs were gently yet firmly closed and laid down to rest on the table by some unseen force. I never saw what had been holding my legs spread in the air.
It is getting late as I write this and my thoughts are scrambled and whirling with emotion about what happened next.
I shall have to close off for now and continue on when my mind stops racing.
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