A Short Tall Gay Tale

One morning I woke up with a big thick and veiny cock up my ass. I could tell that it was a thick and veiny cock because my asshole felt like there was a giant redwood tree lodged in my ass. I’m talking about a redwood worthy of Paul Bunyan; that’s how big it was.

As for the veiny part, I could tell that it was despite the fact that said veiny redwood felt like it was encased in a cold and sticky condom. It felt very rigid, almost like someone had stuck a condom down my hole and filled it up with plaster and then had let it set.

That’s odd I thought. In fact, although I felt awake and somewhat aware of my surroundings I was aware that there wasn’t any movement going on back there.

Hello, did I forget to take a big veiny dildo out of my butt last night I wondered. Last night. Ah yes, BJ’s and Orgasms…

That’s the problem with BJ’s and Orgasms; it doesn’t take too many of those shooters to fuck you right up.

And speaking of which, what the hell or who the hell is up my ass so early in the morning?

I wiped the morning slugs from my eyes, put my glasses on and looked behind me. Still with that giant redwood stuck up my ass mind you and I see this guy that could have passed for Paul Bunyan’s very much shorter brother, spooned up tight to me.

Mini Paul Bunyan’s eyes were shut but drool was dripping from his mouth; almost faucet like. Well that’s a relief, at least he hadn’t died in the middle of the act, I thought.

He had the Paul Bunyan beard, the Paul Bunyan hat, the Paul Bunyan chest and apparently the Paul Bunyan cock as well. But he was about five foot two and that’s stretching it.

Damn! Where did I pick up this mini Paul Bunyan dude and why is his redwood still lodged up my butt?

This was weird, this was embarrassing. And then I had to fart.

Yes, and then I had to fart. Not one of those tiny sneaky farts either. No, I felt one of those ginormous, sheet lifting, toxic storm clouds forming and ready to unleash it’s fury into the atmosphere and possibly take another layer of the ozone away types of farts.

Yeah, you know the kind – one of those.

I know this is going to sound cruel and heartless, but I did try to wake him up – sorta.

Well, now that it comes right down to it; I didn’t try to wake him up; OK, satisfied.

I wasn’t satisfied. There was this mini Paul Bunyan dude (couldn’t have been more than 4′9″) who had me in this great big bear hug, drooling, clear cutting Z’s and his giant redwood stuck up my bum!

I mean what’s a guy to do? Well, I’ll tell you what I did…I let loose the crack of doom!

Have you ever seen a large rocket launch? Well, that’s what it was kind of like. There was this big rolling thunder building up and then suddenly the giant redwood cock launched out of my ass and across the room, (must have been a good 10 feet) carrying the mini Paul Bunyan dude with it.

Did you ever watch the Tasmanian Devil on the Bugs Bunny show? Yeah, well that’s how fast the mini Paul Bunyan dude (who was at least 4′5″) got dressed and out the door.

He did leave me a gift though – his big redwood. It turns out that it was one of those ginormous meaty dildos.

This leads me to wonder…

Who the fuck had their gigantic, thick and veiny dildo up my ass that morning and was the height of Tom Thumb?!